miercuri, 2 iunie 2010

The Truth About College:

College is a bunch of rooms where you sit for 2,000 hours or so and try to memorize things. The 2,000 hours are spread out over four years. You spend the rest of the time sleeping, partying, and trying to get dates.

Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:

1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours).

2. Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours).

The latter are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay in college for the rest of your life.

After you've been in college for a year or so, you're supposed to choose a major, which is the subject you intend to memorize and forget the most things about. Here is a very important piece of advice: Be sure to choose a major that does not involve Known Facts and Right Answers. This means you must not major in mathematics, physics, biology, chemistry, or geology because these subjects involve actual facts.

If, for example, you major in mathematics, you're going to wander into class one day and the professor will say: "Define the cosine integer of the quadrant of a rhomboid binary axis, and extrapolate your result to five significant vertices." If you don't come up with exactly the answer the professor has in mind, you fail.

The same is true of chemistry: If you write in your exam book that carbon and hydrogen combine to form oak, your professor will flunk you. He wants you to come up with the same answer he and all the
other chemists have agreed on. Scientists are extremely snotty about this.

So you should major in subjects like English, philosophy, psychology, and sociology - subjects in which nobody really understands what anybody else is talking about, and which involve virtually no actual facts.

I attended classes in all these subjects, so I'll give you a quick overview of each:

ENGLISH: This involves writing papers about long books you have read little snippets of just before class. Here is a tip on how to get good grades on your English papers: Never say anything about a book that anybody with any common sense would say. For example, suppose you are studying Moby Dick.

Anybody with any common sense would say Moby Dick is a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big white whale roughly 11,000 times. So in your paper, you say Moby Dick is
actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of reading papers and never liked Moby Dick anyway, will think you are enormously creative. If you can regularly come up with lunatic interpretations of simple stories, you should major in English.

PHILOSOPHY: Basically, this involves sitting in a room and deciding there is no such thing as reality and then going to lunch. You should major in philosophy if you plan to take a lot of drugs.

PSYCHOLOGY: This involves talking about rats and dreams. Psychologists are obsessed with rats and dreams. I once spent an entire semester training a rat to punch little buttons in a certain
sequence, then training my roommate to do the same thing. The rat learned much faster. My roommate is now a doctor. If you like rats or dreams, and above all if you dream about rats, you should major in psychology.

SOCIOLOGY: For sheer lack of intelligibility, sociology is far and away the number one subject. I sat through hundreds of hours of sociology courses, and read gobs of sociology writing, and I never
once heard or read a coherent statement.

This is because sociologists want to be considered scientists, so they spend most of their time
translating simple, obvious observations into scientific-sounding code.

If you plan to major in sociology, you'll have to learn to do the same thing. For example, suppose you have observed that children cry when they fall down.

You should write: "Methodological observation of the sociometrical behavior tendencies of prematurated isolates indicates that a causal relationship exists between groundward tropism and lachrimatory behavior forms."

If you can keep this up for 50 or 60 pages, you will get a large government grant.

Article source.

miercuri, 26 mai 2010

I Hate My JOB

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

vineri, 21 mai 2010

If you hate these movies you are a ...?

Did you cry at the end of Shindler's list?

So did I ! I mean, how lucky were those women? Seriously, they went to Auschwitz and they got a free shower!

No Gas! No fire, no shots !

They could have at least force them to make them a sandwich!

Silly Germans, even in your time of glory you still Fail !

Anyway, Oscar movies are always over appreciated, mainly due to their patriotism theme or black/gay/retarded characters.

Just remember: When you don't like these movies, the terrorists win.


If You Don't Like It. . . You're an imperialist lowlife who doesn't care about poor foreigners. Are you going to finish that dolphin burger?
In Your Defense: The film's very makers plucked its most beloved performers right from the merciless streets of Mumbai. . . and promptly dumped them back there after wrapping. Without its closing dance sequence, it's Forrest Gupta.

If You Don't Like It. . . You're a heathen dirt worshipper who may rightly be treated as a soldier in the war on Christmas.
In Your Defense: Loving this movie doesn't make you a good Christian, nor does trashing it make you a bad one.


If You Don't Like It. . . You're a backwoods, gay-bashing homophobe. Which, if you ask any gay guy, means you're probably gay yourself.
In Your Defense: The movie's main characters might not even be gay. Jake Gyllenhaal himself approached it as the story of straight guys who fall in love. Which really just makes it a plain, old boring love story like Shakespeare in Love, Atonement, and The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down With a Sore Bum.


If You Don't Like It. . . You derive perverse pleasure from the struggles of the disabled. You are the handi-Christ.
In Your Defense: The film posits that it's not science that could make a deranged man sane, it's the triumph of his will. . . or the love of a woman. . . or perhaps a particularly rousing musical montage. Trashing this movie makes you no more insensitive to the life of this schizophrenic than the filmmakers who whitewashed it.

Movie reviews By: Jordan Burchette. Full article here.

duminică, 18 aprilie 2010

I am GOD.

I will like to take the time and say some things about your Lord, your savior ...

I am not afraid to show my feminine side... If I had one.

You know those inmates that have tattoos of their mom on their shoulder? Well, my mom has a tattoo with the word "Son" on her shoulder.

I am the only one allowed to touch the art at museums, and feed the animals at the zoo.

Yeah, that's how cool I am.

joi, 8 aprilie 2010

Rock Paper Scissors

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock.

Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors?

Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people?

Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class?

I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that paper up in 2 seconds.

When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock.

Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say

"Oh shit! I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole."

miercuri, 24 martie 2010

The Night Before Bros Day­

The Night Before Bros Day

By Creasta

~Part 1~

Twas the night before Bros Day, when all through the club

Where the music was playing, dub-dubdub-dub;

The girls were lined up by the bar with care,

In hopes that yours truly, soon would be there;

The couples were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sex danced in their heads;

And girls in their dresses, and I in my suit,

Just waiting for drinks filled with fruit,

When out of the blue there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the chair to see what was the matter.

Away to the bar I flew like a lord,

Turn on my camera and got ready to record.

When, what to my wondering eyes should behold,

But a minor celebrity , drinking tequila alone ,

More rapid than eagles all my friends came,

Wingmen, and bros, as I called them by name;

"Now, Rabbit! now, Steve! now, Cotor and Vixen!

On, Red! on Ostrich! on, Moses and Blitzen!

To the top of the bed! to the top of the wall!

Lets gets her drunk! And record all!"

To be continued...

marți, 16 martie 2010

Bro Code Article 13.

In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts fastest aloud to ten has dibs. If they both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought drinks last has dibs.

If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two has dibs.

If they are of the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs.

Should the dry spell be of equal length, a game of discreet *Broshombo shall determine dibs, provided that the chick is still there.

*Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.

Quotes from the Bro Code by Barnibus Stinson

Book of Barnabas 1:1

And everything of need was provided in the garden. Fruit, water, companionship. But one day, Adam came upon a naked chick,Eve, and desired her olive leaf.And so, Adam wenteth behind an apple tree to know Eve, totally ditching his bro, Phil, who had Knicks tickets. Courtside.
Long story short, humankind became self-aware,paradise was lost, and well, we all know what happened to the Knicks.

Here is the imdb.com Top Hot Chicks of the week. Worldwide:

  1. Half Asian Chicks.
  2. Labanese Girls.
  3. Politician's daughters.
  4. Mute Women.
  5. Eighties Music Video Chicks.
  6. Really Tall Chicks.
  7. Mermaids.
  8. Chicks Raised in a Cult.
  9. Army Chicks.
  10. Girls on Rollerblades.

marți, 9 martie 2010

Happy Bros Day!

For all bros and bros-wannabe I,your god, wish you a Happy Bro Day!

miercuri, 3 martie 2010

Sex with a Na`vi woman.

For those of you living in a cave for the past 4 months, Na'vi are a fictional species that live on the fictional world of Pandora. Na'vi women are from 2.7 to 3.5 meters tall.

In other words: smoking hot!

Due to the lower gravity of the planet, the Na'vi have harder skin then humans, and as a result their skin does not receive pleasure in the normal way. You have to go to extreme measures.

Some things are essential, like music. Na`vi women or smurf as they are called in the early 80`s, do not like normal music like Justin, Berry White or even this guy. The sound of screaming babies or dieing birds turn them on quicker than "I don't wanna miss a thing".

When thing get hard and heavy , don't be a sissy and HIT HER IN THE FACE! Na'vi dont feel pain easily. The steps to a successful intercourse are:

Step 1:Hit and thrust.
Step 2:Repeat step 1.

Step 2 is essential.

If she yells out " PAPA SMURF!", don't worry they do that . A lot! That just means they need more hitting and less thrusting.

As the Na'vi are so in touch with their home planet, they do not like the feel of artificial lubricants. You have to use your own body fluids to make the transition more easy.

And when you're riding that woman. Hold on to your fucking hat.

Also, watch for the tail. Cause if you touch it, she turns into SMURFETTE !!!

And you dont want that! Right? Right? Come on guys, fat girls need some lovin' too.

Comic 2

Comic design by Boldeanu Andrei at cumamajunssa

marți, 23 februarie 2010

How to Hit a Woman

A lot of people will say that "You cant hit a woman dude, that`s not cool".

These people are stupid.

Women have been hit all through history, from the very begging when God created the Big Bang and monkeys evolved into Adam and Eve.

The first thing you must do is NEVER HIT A WOMAN ....... with your fist. Hitting her with a fist is domestic abuse.

An open palm can do the exact damage. You dont want the woman to feel pain. You want her to be humiliated, to cry and cry and understand that she is inferior. A woman must understand that she doesn't have the same rights as us men.

After hitting her with an open palm you must follow the Weierstrass Rules:
  • Rule number 1: Hit her again!
  • Rule number 2: Make her believe it was her fault you hit her.Which is not hard, since most of the time any woman deserves being hit.
  • Rule number 3: Never apologize and don't look regretful.
And then :

They say behind every great man there's a great woman.......HOLDING HIS BEER !

duminică, 21 februarie 2010


Comic design by Boldeanu Andrei at Cumamajunssa

sâmbătă, 20 februarie 2010

The Love of Your Life

It happens to all of us, and we know it. From the moment we reach a certain age, we start to notice it. It's instantaneous. Sometimes we make our decision based on the decisions of our parents. Others have taken the advice of the entourage.

And it hurts. God, it hurts so much. Every weekend, you sit with your sweat hanging on your forehead, with shaking palms you swear again and again, hoping and praying to God that it will work out, that things will go the way you want them to go. You pray and you swear your life to God, and maybe just maybe that fucking referee wont whistle the end of the game.

Yes, dear friends. We all were one time or another in that position. When our home team, our love, the team we support with all our heart is down one goal, and we need just a couple more minutes to score. We can do it. We are sure of it. Only if we had a little more time....

And it hurts.God, it hurts so much. But its okay. In the end the love of our lives will not leave us. She will never leave us. She is there to stay. And plays for us every weekend sometimes even in the middle of the week. But those are special times, like an anniversary, that we wait all summer for.

She will never leave. Unless of course your love is Universitatea Craiova, then she already left and is fucking someone else in Turnu Severin.

Bring it back, bring it back don`t take it away from meeee.

Football equals love.

vineri, 19 februarie 2010

Drug Dealers and Girls.

There are three rules every drug dealer Al Capone wannabe must follow. These rules must also be respected when you are in a relationship.

-Never get high on your own supply.

Which means NEVER, and I mean NEVER fall in love.

-Always fly straight.

Which means Never cheat. Because she will find out. It does not matter if she is not smart. You always must assume that the Universe is out to get you. And even if you cheat, you have to memorize a bro`s phone number. It will come in handy. More on this later...

And if you haven't figure it out already, I just saw Scarface last night and it was Awe- wait for it - SOME !

sâmbătă, 13 februarie 2010

Bro Code Article 12.

Article 12: A bro must always get another bro drunk after a break-up.
Exception 1 of Article 12: If the girlfriend was ugly/fat/disabled no drinking is necessary.
Exception 2 of Article 12: If the girlfriend was a model/porn star/reporter/ of another race, a bro must not waste time to “tap that ass”.
Exception 3 of Article 12: If the bro prefers prostitutes over drinking, a bro is not obligated to pay.
Exception of Exception 3 : If the bro does not have money for prostitutes, a bro is obligated to pay for the cheapest one

Bro Code Article 11.

Article 11: A bro must never tell embarrassing stories about another bro in front of a girl.
Exception of Article 11: If the stories can lead to pity or/and sympathy sex, a bro can tell the stories.

Bro Code Article 10.

Article 10: A bro cannot be bros with another bro if a third and forth bro do not approve.
Exception of Article 10: The third and forth bro must approve if the second bro has a hot sister.
Clarification of Article 10: The hot sister must be single when the bro-relationship is formed.

Bro Code Article 9.

Article 9: A bro must never be bros with a girl.
Exception 1 of Article 9 : A bro can be bros with a girl, only if she is a lesbian.
Exception 2 of Article 9: A bro can be fake bros with a girl if she is hot, but the bro is obligated to announce his bros of the fake bro-relationship.

Bro Code Article 8.

Article 8: A bro must always offer a location for another bro to take a girl.
Clarification of Article 8 : If a bro does not have a place to take a girl , a bro must always offer his place.
Exception of Article 8 : A bro must not give up his place if he too has a girl.
Exception of Exception : If the other bros girl is a model/porn star/reporter/ of another race , a bro must give up his place for the night.

Bro Code Article 7.

Article 7: A bro must always be another bros alibi.
Clarification of Article 7: If a bros girlfriend is enquiring about the location of said bro one night, a bro must always lie.
Exception 1 of Article 7: If the bros girlfriend is a bitch, the alibi is not necessary and the truth is encouraged.
Exception 2 of Article 7: If the bros girlfriend is fat/ugly/disabled the alibi is not necessary and the truth is encouraged.
Exception 3 of Article 7: If the bros girlfriend is a model/porn star/reporter/ of another race, a bro must tell the truth, wait for the Exception of Article 4. and “tap that ass”.

Bro Code Article 6.

Article 6: A bro must never allow another bro to call the ex-girlfriend.
Exception of Article 6: A bro must encourage another bro to make the call, if the call consists of notifying the ex-girlfriend that he slept with her best-friend or mother.

Bro Code Article 5.

Article 5: Two bros must never make eye contact in a devils threesome.
Clarification of Article 5: A devils threesome consists of 2 bros and one girl.
Exception of Article 5: The bros can make eye contact if the lights are off.

Bro Code Article 4.

Article 4: A bro must never sleep with another bros ex-girlfriend.
Exception of Article 4: A bro is allowed to defy Article 4 if a certain time has past.
Clarification of Exception: The time must be longer than the time the bro and his ex-girlfriend spent together.

Bro Code Article 3

Article 3: A bro must always notify another bro about a fight between two girls.
Article 3.1: If the fight occurs at a location the other bro cannot arrive in time, a bro must always record the fight.
Article 3.2: If the bro does not have any video equipment, he must remember every detail to tell another bro later*.
Clarification of later*: The time in which a bro must tell another bro about a girl fight must be in a drinking interval.
Clarification of Clarification: The drinking interval is one week.

Bro Code Article 2.

Article 2: A bro must always notify another bro of the presence of n* drunk girls.
N*- is the number of drunken girls.
Clarification of N*:This number must always be greater then the number of bros.
Exception of Article 2 : If the N* drunken girls are ugly/fat/disabled notice is not necessary and frowned upon.

Bro Code Article 1.

Article 1: Bros before hoes.
Clarification of Article 1: A bro must never give up drinking with another bro for a girl.
Exception of Article 1 : If the girl is a model/porn star/reporter/of another race the other bro must understand and encourage said bro to “tap that ass”
Zvon Blog-Un blog cu ce te priveste Livescore