miercuri, 26 mai 2010

I Hate My JOB

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

vineri, 21 mai 2010

If you hate these movies you are a ...?

Did you cry at the end of Shindler's list?

So did I ! I mean, how lucky were those women? Seriously, they went to Auschwitz and they got a free shower!

No Gas! No fire, no shots !

They could have at least force them to make them a sandwich!

Silly Germans, even in your time of glory you still Fail !

Anyway, Oscar movies are always over appreciated, mainly due to their patriotism theme or black/gay/retarded characters.

Just remember: When you don't like these movies, the terrorists win.


If You Don't Like It. . . You're an imperialist lowlife who doesn't care about poor foreigners. Are you going to finish that dolphin burger?
In Your Defense: The film's very makers plucked its most beloved performers right from the merciless streets of Mumbai. . . and promptly dumped them back there after wrapping. Without its closing dance sequence, it's Forrest Gupta.

If You Don't Like It. . . You're a heathen dirt worshipper who may rightly be treated as a soldier in the war on Christmas.
In Your Defense: Loving this movie doesn't make you a good Christian, nor does trashing it make you a bad one.


If You Don't Like It. . . You're a backwoods, gay-bashing homophobe. Which, if you ask any gay guy, means you're probably gay yourself.
In Your Defense: The movie's main characters might not even be gay. Jake Gyllenhaal himself approached it as the story of straight guys who fall in love. Which really just makes it a plain, old boring love story like Shakespeare in Love, Atonement, and The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down With a Sore Bum.


If You Don't Like It. . . You derive perverse pleasure from the struggles of the disabled. You are the handi-Christ.
In Your Defense: The film posits that it's not science that could make a deranged man sane, it's the triumph of his will. . . or the love of a woman. . . or perhaps a particularly rousing musical montage. Trashing this movie makes you no more insensitive to the life of this schizophrenic than the filmmakers who whitewashed it.

Movie reviews By: Jordan Burchette. Full article here.
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