miercuri, 2 februarie 2011

Don't hate on Leo

"Inception" is probably the best movie of the year 2010, too bad it won't get the recognition it deserved.But did that stop leading-actor Leonardo DiCaprio to walk like a cartoon, happy as a bird, on the set of "Inception"? Of course not.

A picture was taken of Leo, walking "Like a Boss", and since then the internet has exploded with these kind of pictures. The "Strutting Leo" meme, as it is called, appears in every photo ever made.

This is the original picture:

And here are some of the best photoshopped pictures I "found" at Funny or Die:

  1. Matrix Inception: Dream Specialist Cobb can penetrate even the most complex parts of the Matrix:
  2. And right behind Usain Bolt is :
  3. Heeeerrreee's Leo :
  4. The Titanic is sinking you say? Exit Stage Right!
  5. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs don't have nothing on Leo :
  6. Who Shot JFK?
  7. Jesus Can walk on water. But Leo can also walk on water :
  8. Who was really behind Hitlers anti-jew propaganda?

miercuri, 2 iunie 2010

The Truth About College:

College is a bunch of rooms where you sit for 2,000 hours or so and try to memorize things. The 2,000 hours are spread out over four years. You spend the rest of the time sleeping, partying, and trying to get dates.

Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:

1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours).

2. Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours).

The latter are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay in college for the rest of your life.

After you've been in college for a year or so, you're supposed to choose a major, which is the subject you intend to memorize and forget the most things about. Here is a very important piece of advice: Be sure to choose a major that does not involve Known Facts and Right Answers. This means you must not major in mathematics, physics, biology, chemistry, or geology because these subjects involve actual facts.

If, for example, you major in mathematics, you're going to wander into class one day and the professor will say: "Define the cosine integer of the quadrant of a rhomboid binary axis, and extrapolate your result to five significant vertices." If you don't come up with exactly the answer the professor has in mind, you fail.

The same is true of chemistry: If you write in your exam book that carbon and hydrogen combine to form oak, your professor will flunk you. He wants you to come up with the same answer he and all the
other chemists have agreed on. Scientists are extremely snotty about this.

So you should major in subjects like English, philosophy, psychology, and sociology - subjects in which nobody really understands what anybody else is talking about, and which involve virtually no actual facts.

I attended classes in all these subjects, so I'll give you a quick overview of each:

ENGLISH: This involves writing papers about long books you have read little snippets of just before class. Here is a tip on how to get good grades on your English papers: Never say anything about a book that anybody with any common sense would say. For example, suppose you are studying Moby Dick.

Anybody with any common sense would say Moby Dick is a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big white whale roughly 11,000 times. So in your paper, you say Moby Dick is
actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of reading papers and never liked Moby Dick anyway, will think you are enormously creative. If you can regularly come up with lunatic interpretations of simple stories, you should major in English.

PHILOSOPHY: Basically, this involves sitting in a room and deciding there is no such thing as reality and then going to lunch. You should major in philosophy if you plan to take a lot of drugs.

PSYCHOLOGY: This involves talking about rats and dreams. Psychologists are obsessed with rats and dreams. I once spent an entire semester training a rat to punch little buttons in a certain
sequence, then training my roommate to do the same thing. The rat learned much faster. My roommate is now a doctor. If you like rats or dreams, and above all if you dream about rats, you should major in psychology.

SOCIOLOGY: For sheer lack of intelligibility, sociology is far and away the number one subject. I sat through hundreds of hours of sociology courses, and read gobs of sociology writing, and I never
once heard or read a coherent statement.

This is because sociologists want to be considered scientists, so they spend most of their time
translating simple, obvious observations into scientific-sounding code.

If you plan to major in sociology, you'll have to learn to do the same thing. For example, suppose you have observed that children cry when they fall down.

You should write: "Methodological observation of the sociometrical behavior tendencies of prematurated isolates indicates that a causal relationship exists between groundward tropism and lachrimatory behavior forms."

If you can keep this up for 50 or 60 pages, you will get a large government grant.

Article source.

miercuri, 26 mai 2010

I Hate My JOB

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

vineri, 21 mai 2010

If you hate these movies you are a ...?

Did you cry at the end of Shindler's list?

So did I ! I mean, how lucky were those women? Seriously, they went to Auschwitz and they got a free shower!

No Gas! No fire, no shots !

They could have at least force them to make them a sandwich!

Silly Germans, even in your time of glory you still Fail !

Anyway, Oscar movies are always over appreciated, mainly due to their patriotism theme or black/gay/retarded characters.

Just remember: When you don't like these movies, the terrorists win.


If You Don't Like It. . . You're an imperialist lowlife who doesn't care about poor foreigners. Are you going to finish that dolphin burger?
In Your Defense: The film's very makers plucked its most beloved performers right from the merciless streets of Mumbai. . . and promptly dumped them back there after wrapping. Without its closing dance sequence, it's Forrest Gupta.

If You Don't Like It. . . You're a heathen dirt worshipper who may rightly be treated as a soldier in the war on Christmas.
In Your Defense: Loving this movie doesn't make you a good Christian, nor does trashing it make you a bad one.


If You Don't Like It. . . You're a backwoods, gay-bashing homophobe. Which, if you ask any gay guy, means you're probably gay yourself.
In Your Defense: The movie's main characters might not even be gay. Jake Gyllenhaal himself approached it as the story of straight guys who fall in love. Which really just makes it a plain, old boring love story like Shakespeare in Love, Atonement, and The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down With a Sore Bum.


If You Don't Like It. . . You derive perverse pleasure from the struggles of the disabled. You are the handi-Christ.
In Your Defense: The film posits that it's not science that could make a deranged man sane, it's the triumph of his will. . . or the love of a woman. . . or perhaps a particularly rousing musical montage. Trashing this movie makes you no more insensitive to the life of this schizophrenic than the filmmakers who whitewashed it.

Movie reviews By: Jordan Burchette. Full article here.

duminică, 18 aprilie 2010

I am GOD.

I will like to take the time and say some things about your Lord, your savior ...

I am not afraid to show my feminine side... If I had one.

You know those inmates that have tattoos of their mom on their shoulder? Well, my mom has a tattoo with the word "Son" on her shoulder.

I am the only one allowed to touch the art at museums, and feed the animals at the zoo.

Yeah, that's how cool I am.

joi, 8 aprilie 2010

Rock Paper Scissors

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock.

Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors?

Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people?

Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class?

I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that paper up in 2 seconds.

When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock.

Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say

"Oh shit! I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole."

miercuri, 24 martie 2010

The Night Before Bros Day­

The Night Before Bros Day

By Creasta

~Part 1~

Twas the night before Bros Day, when all through the club

Where the music was playing, dub-dubdub-dub;

The girls were lined up by the bar with care,

In hopes that yours truly, soon would be there;

The couples were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sex danced in their heads;

And girls in their dresses, and I in my suit,

Just waiting for drinks filled with fruit,

When out of the blue there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the chair to see what was the matter.

Away to the bar I flew like a lord,

Turn on my camera and got ready to record.

When, what to my wondering eyes should behold,

But a minor celebrity , drinking tequila alone ,

More rapid than eagles all my friends came,

Wingmen, and bros, as I called them by name;

"Now, Rabbit! now, Steve! now, Cotor and Vixen!

On, Red! on Ostrich! on, Moses and Blitzen!

To the top of the bed! to the top of the wall!

Lets gets her drunk! And record all!"

To be continued...
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