I Hate My JOB

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

If you hate these movies you are a ...?

Did you cry at the end of Shindler's list?

So did I ! I mean, how lucky were those women? Seriously, they went to Auschwitz and they got a free shower!

No Gas! No fire, no shots !

They could have at least force them to make them a sandwich!

Silly Germans, even in your time of glory you still Fail !

Anyway, Oscar movies are always over appreciated, mainly due to their patriotism theme or black/gay/retarded characters.

Just remember: When you don't like these movies, the terrorists win.

1. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

If You Don't Like It. . . You're an imperialist lowlife who doesn't care about poor foreigners. Are you going to finish that dolphin burger?
In Your Defense: The film's very makers plucked its most beloved performers right from the merciless streets of Mumbai. . . and promptly dumped them back there after wrapping. Without its closing dance sequence, it's Forrest Gupta.

2.THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
If You Don't Like It. . . You're a heathen dirt worshipper who may rightly be treated as a soldier in the war on Christmas.
In Your Defense: Loving this movie doesn't make you a good Christian, nor does trashing it make you a bad one.

3.BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

If You Don't Like It. . . You're a backwoods, gay-bashing homophobe. Which, if you ask any gay guy, means you're probably gay yourself.
In Your Defense: The movie's main characters might not even be gay. Jake Gyllenhaal himself approached it as the story of straight guys who fall in love. Which really just makes it a plain, old boring love story like Shakespeare in Love, Atonement, and The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down With a Sore Bum.

4.A BEAUTIFUL MIND

If You Don't Like It. . . You derive perverse pleasure from the struggles of the disabled. You are the handi-Christ.
In Your Defense: The film posits that it's not science that could make a deranged man sane, it's the triumph of his will. . . or the love of a woman. . . or perhaps a particularly rousing musical montage. Trashing this movie makes you no more insensitive to the life of this schizophrenic than the filmmakers who whitewashed it.

Movie reviews By: Jordan Burchette. Full article here.

I am GOD.

I will like to take the time and say some things about your Lord, your savior ...

I am not afraid to show my feminine side... If I had one.

You know those inmates that have tattoos of their mom on their shoulder? Well, my mom has a tattoo with the word "Son" on her shoulder.

I am the only one allowed to touch the art at museums, and feed the animals at the zoo.

Yeah, that's how cool I am.

Rock Paper Scissors

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock.

Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors?

Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people?

Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class?

I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that paper up in 2 seconds.

When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock.

Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say

"Oh shit! I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole."

The Night Before Bros Day­

The Night Before Bros Day

By Creasta

~Part 1~

Twas the night before Bros Day, when all through the club

Where the music was playing, dub-dubdub-dub;

The girls were lined up by the bar with care,

In hopes that yours truly, soon would be there;

The couples were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sex danced in their heads;

And girls in their dresses, and I in my suit,

Just waiting for drinks filled with fruit,

When out of the blue there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the chair to see what was the matter.

Away to the bar I flew like a lord,

Turn on my camera and got ready to record.

When, what to my wondering eyes should behold,

But a minor celebrity , drinking tequila alone ,

More rapid than eagles all my friends came,

Wingmen, and bros, as I called them by name;

"Now, Rabbit! now, Steve! now, Cotor and Vixen!

On, Red! on Ostrich! on, Moses and Blitzen!

To the top of the bed! to the top of the wall!

Lets gets her drunk! And record all!"

To be continued...

Bro Code Article 13.

In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts fastest aloud to ten has dibs. If they both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought drinks last has dibs.

If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two has dibs.

If they are of the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs.

Should the dry spell be of equal length, a game of discreet *Broshombo shall determine dibs, provided that the chick is still there.



*Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.

Quotes from the Bro Code by Barnibus Stinson

Book of Barnabas 1:1

And everything of need was provided in the garden. Fruit, water, companionship. But one day, Adam came upon a naked chick,Eve, and desired her olive leaf.And so, Adam wenteth behind an apple tree to know Eve, totally ditching his bro, Phil, who had Knicks tickets. Courtside.
Long story short, humankind became self-aware,paradise was lost, and well, we all know what happened to the Knicks.

Here is the imdb.com Top Hot Chicks of the week. Worldwide:

1. Half Asian Chicks.
2. Labanese Girls.
3. Politician's daughters.
4. Mute Women.
5. Eighties Music Video Chicks.
6. Really Tall Chicks.
7. Mermaids.
8. Chicks Raised in a Cult.
9. Army Chicks.
10. Girls on Rollerblades.

1.